


No Lullabye

by Smillaraaq



Series: Poison Years [1]
Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Angst, Backstory, Community: Saiyuki_time, Dark, Ficlet, Gen, POV Male Character, POV Third Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-03-23
Updated: 2008-03-23
Packaged: 2017-10-05 18:32:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/44777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smillaraaq/pseuds/Smillaraaq
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>She doesn't quite look like she's sleeping...</i></p><p>Not all first times are beginnings -- a brief look at one of the bleakest hours of Gojyo's childhood. Potentially disturbing content, but warnings are spoilery: please skip to the end notes if you want more specific details before deciding to read.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Lullabye

She doesn't quite look like she's sleeping.

He'd rolled her over -- so strangely limp and heavy -- to lie on her back, cleaned up the blood, and covered her with every blanket in the house. He'd tucked the covers around her, combed out her tangled hair and shut her eyes with hands that refused to stop shaking, but she still didn't look like she was asleep. He knew what sleep was supposed to look like; he'd spent hours watching her sleep, on nights when she'd had more than enough to drink or Jien had persuaded her to take some medicine. Asleep, her face had been as beautiful and kind as in his dreams, not twisted into the waking masks of rage and sorrow.

She doesn't look asleep now. She doesn't even look entirely like herself. Her face has gone strangely slack, like a wax model that's been left out in the sun long enough to soften. Too slack, too still, too pale; his eyes keep sliding away to focus on a stray curl of hair, the frayed edge of a sheet, anything but the wrongness of her not-sleeping face.

It's easier to just not look at all, now that he's done all he can for her. His eyelids are heavy with exhaustion and unshed tears. It's easier to just let them fall closed as he slumps to the floor, curling his small body alongside her too-still form. Blindly, he presses his face against hers; her cheek is still warm and soft, and the sweet jasmine of her shampoo is almost enough to make him forget the familiar, heavy scent of blood.

She's not asleep, but with his eyes closed he can pretend for a little while. He knows he can't stay, but he can't bear to leave her just yet; it's the first and last time he will ever be able to hold her without being shoved away.

**Author's Note:**

> Contains slightly graphic references to the aftermath of a minor character's canonical violent death, as witnessed by an abused, traumatized child. Originally written in March 2008 for the LJ [Saiyuki_Time](http://community.livejournal.com/saiyuki_time/) community's [Challenge #1: First Times](http://saiyuki-time.livejournal.com/646.html). Title from the [song of the same name](http://www.cupofwonder.com/heavy.html#NoLullaby) by Jethro Tull. This may eventually be incorporated into a larger piece I've been chewing over for a while exploring Gojyo's lost years, after Jien left and before he met Banri, but for now it's just a more-or-less standalone ficlet.


End file.
